Finding Balance: An Interview on Staying Well in Times of Grief

Rianna, a yoga practitioner at The Brooklyn Wellness Club, spoke to us about how she is navigating the grief that she’s experiencing from what’s happening in Gaza.

The close ties between grief and guilt

For the past few months, Rianna, a yoga practitioner at the Brooklyn Wellness Club, felt a great sense of grief and guilt from what's happening in Gaza.

In the first 3 months since the war erupted, she wasn't able to take care of herself at all. If anything, she was constantly feeling guilty. "I felt I shouldn't be able to do extra things to take care of myself. Like [I shouldn't have] this extra moments of joy, because I thought, “Why do I get to do this and they don't?"

Rianna's initial respond was to incessantly scroll through social media.

"I woke up in the morning, watched videos in the morning about Palestine and felt guilty because I’m safe and comfortable and they're not. I got ready for work,” she explained. “[Then] I check social media again for more news on my lunch break. Then go home. I shut down and feel overwhelmed."

Knowing that it was overwhelming, it was still hard to get off the need to consume social media. “I’m on my phone more when I feel the worst,” Rianna shared. “It’s kind of like being crazy, because it feels so close to you and yet there's nothing you can do to stop it."

Practicing yoga and finding safe communities

After some time, Rianna started joining rallies, calling for justice and ceasefire. It was then that she started to feel less isolated in her grief - that she had a community. She also started attending a yoga studios again. Although practicing yoga has been helpful for her to express her grief, entering into a yoga studio has not always been helpful.

"One time I tried going to another yoga studio [other than the Brooklyn Wellness Club]. I had a "Gaza 5K" sweatshirt on that I got from a UNRWA [The United Nations Relief and Works Agency for Palestine Refugees in the Near East] fundraiser event. When I went to thank the instructor after class, I got grilled instead because of the sweatshirt."

With a personal understanding of yoga’s teachings, she found it hard to understand why this could happen. "[When] I’m trying to find another class or studio, I feel there's a disconnect because the space claims to prioritize yoga beyond its physical practice, yet it overlooks so many aspects of its philosophy. This inconsistency makes it challenging for me to find what I need from a lot of different yoga spaces."

Reconciling and Working Through Guilt

Even after all that, Rianna was still feeling guilty. It wasn’t until January 2023, when one particular message kept coming back at her. "You allowing yourself to suffer is not getting Palestinians in Gaza what they need." That’s what the message says.

Something about that message, and how it kept returning to her guided her. Since then, she started to respond to her grief from a lens other than guilt.

"I'm now taking care of myself in service of something that I know is not an easy thing to end, that this is a lifelong thing. So I'm trying to hold on to that,” Rianna shared.

Here, at the Brooklyn Wellness Club, we want to acknowledge that the past few months have been a challenging and deeply painful time for many of us. As a wellness studio, we strive to be a space that embrace grief and welcome any expressions of grief. We strive to be compassionate while standing up for justice and calling to an end to the war in Gaza, the release of all hostages, and the healing of the world.

By: Tanita Rahmani, audio journalist and yoga practitioner.